Tired of trying to figure out what women want? Fear no more for I’ve invented a pill. Here’s how I did it…
First, I took the essence of a natural selection of things women hate (P):
Skid marks
Football-related depression
Overuse of the word “cunt”
A lack of shoes in the correct size
Skinny 19 year old goth girls
Petrol-station flowers
Light rain
Next I purchased enough natural Volvic mineral water (M) to fill my local swimming pool thirty times. I chose Purley Swimming Pool and Recreation Centre, because children piss in it, and women hate that too. Then I filled the swimming pool up with one part P to 99 parts M. Then I continued to dilute this formula until I ended up with literally none of P left in the solution (PMS). Now, logic-deniers among you might think that because PMS contains none of the original ingredients, it would be ineffective. But you would be WRONG because I remember doing it, and water has a memory. It’s literally like quantum physics, only without all that unnecessary bumf. Like quantum theory. And physics.
Finally, using an eco-friendly, naturally quantifiable pipette, I put a drop of PMS onto some Jelly Belly Jelly Beans (Tutti Frutti) and voila!
Each bag of 100 PMS pills will set you back £299.99 plus VAT (get in there before Jan 1st to take advantage of UK current VAT rate of just 15%!)
The pills can be taken orally, but for maximum effect, just stare at them, and you will naturally absorb this potent synthesised PMS, naturally.
*In case of overdose, please consult your doctor. Not suitable for diabetics. Always read the label. But you should be fine because it’s a natural remedy.
10:23
Hmm when I first read that blog title I thought you were going to talk about contraception but then I realised you didn’t have loads of silly speech bubbles popping up all over the place so you couldn’t have been. (I hope you’ve seen that new advert they are running out otherwise that will have gone right over your head!)
Funny that what women hate is almost all the things that men love. Apart from shoes that don’t fit and 19 year old goth girls, no one likes them, they don’t even like themselves.
I’d take a skinny goth girl over skid marks any day!
Damn. I’m diabetic, otherwise I’d order a ton of ‘em!
I always avoid drinking water as if it’s got that good a memory then it will remember passing through skinny gith girls.
It won’t work. You didn’t succuss it on a leather bolster, hand-stitched by Amazonian peasant women. Good grief, whatever happened to education?