Tired of trying to figure out what women want? Fear no more for I’ve invented a pill. Here’s how I did it…
First, I took the essence of a natural selection of things women hate (P):
Overuse of the word “cunt”
A lack of shoes in the correct size
Skinny 19 year old goth girls
Next I purchased enough natural Volvic mineral water (M) to fill my local swimming pool thirty times. I chose Purley Swimming Pool and Recreation Centre, because children piss in it, and women hate that too. Then I filled the swimming pool up with one part P to 99 parts M. Then I continued to dilute this formula until I ended up with literally none of P left in the solution (PMS). Now, logic-deniers among you might think that because PMS contains none of the original ingredients, it would be ineffective. But you would be WRONG because I remember doing it, and water has a memory. It’s literally like quantum physics, only without all that unnecessary bumf. Like quantum theory. And physics.
Finally, using an eco-friendly, naturally quantifiable pipette, I put a drop of PMS onto some Jelly Belly Jelly Beans (Tutti Frutti) and voila!
Each bag of 100 PMS pills will set you back £299.99 plus VAT (get in there before Jan 1st to take advantage of UK current VAT rate of just 15%!)
The pills can be taken orally, but for maximum effect, just stare at them, and you will naturally absorb this potent synthesised PMS, naturally.
*In case of overdose, please consult your doctor. Not suitable for diabetics. Always read the label. But you should be fine because it’s a natural remedy.