I’m back! Thank you for all your suggestions for blog posts. Truth be told, most of them were crap. You can do much better, I’m sure of it. Send all queries to @UnfriendlyA on Twitter from now on, as my previous PA is a bit shagged out
In Genesis 2:17 (King James version), God makes it very clear that if anyone were to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, they will surely die. Not probably, but surely:
But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
What purpose would it serve to threaten an uneducated, otherwise innocent person with death for the consumption of one particular type of fruit, whilst the rest remained fit for human consumption? Were the apples poisonous? In which case, why put them there? Why put the tree there in plain view of two people who would have otherwise been quite happy with mangoes, pineapples, raspberries, kiwi fruits, bananas, lychees, pears, oranges, plum tomatoes etc had the devil not happened to be passing?
Why call it “The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil” in the first place? Surely “God’s Apples: Hands Off” would have been sufficient? And if this fruit was out of bounds, why put the tree in the centre of the place you have built for these little naked humans? If I’ve learnt one thing from moving out of home into shared accomodation, it’s that anything you leave in shared areas is fair game for the rest of the house mates, with the possible exception of my toothbrush (I hope).
I can’t help but wonder that if the woman hadn’t been denied access to this sensitive, classified information – Knowledge of Good and Evil – would she have bothered eating it? If she had been taught the difference between right and wrong, and was granted some kind of context in order to be able to choose freely, would she have chosen:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Subservience to a husband?
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;
An ongoing sense of guilt?
Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.
Decomposition of your lifeless corpse?
What kind of great, amazing god wouldn’t have seen this coming? I’ve heard so often how God has a plan, which we are too puny to understand. This plan’s been in the making for some time now according to the Bible, at least since the Babylonians have been styling their hair and performing complicated mathematical tasks for fun. Why didn’t he bother to draw up a plan of the world before making it and think “Oh me, I’d better move that bloody Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil before I end making more work for myself by systematically killing African babies for no good reason in 6000 years time from the fatal misinformation that my appointed representative on earth is spewing out at an unfathomable rate”?
I’ll tell you why: Whoever wrote this book, had no clue about narrative. The plot holes in this story are bigger than Jordans vayjayjay. My creative writing class teacher would laugh me out of the building for something like this. It’s the sort of story that the Farrely brothers would write, except they’d make it into a comedy in which God is the bumbling idiot. That so many have been raped, tortured, beaten, stoned, and murdered in its name is the real original sin.
In my interpretation of the events of this story, it doesn’t matter that the woman didn’t know any better, because she went and found out. Remember, God told her that she’d die if she ate the forbidden fruit. Yeah, in the long run, maybe, but not immediately. God was sort of ambiguous there. That’s one of the funny things about God, he never really says anything of use, sort of like a Tory politician. The devil, therefore, was right. They ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and took their first steps into skepticism.