Good afternoon you wonderful and slightly above average people!
I shall endeavour to post once a week here, I’ve already received plenty of questions, thank you to all those who’ve been Tweeting me – keep ‘em coming and I’ll pick the best one each week.
This week’s post was defiantly brought to you by the illustrious, the elusive, and the pertly-bottomed Abs…
Dear The Unfriendly Atheist,
What do atheists scream during an orgasm?
This is indeed an important subject that must be approached delicately, and with great aplomb (and hopefully a bit of fun). Firstly, I’d like to point out that there are many different kinds of orgasm. I’m sure a delightful fornicator like yourself needs no clarification, but it’s worth knowing just in case you’re more of the “violent screaming” kind – though I wouldn’t presume to assert such things! One must think carefully about the kinds of words used when you fraternise with a lover.
For example, if you are deflowering a young specimen, you may wish to use more sensitive language to begin with in order to let your lust evolve slowly; whereas if you are experimenting with a seasoned professional, it may be entirely appropriate to lay into the big kahunas like a hefty steamroller with extra juice. Extra love juice, that is.
In the past, when people had ethics, and they thought God was everywhere (even in your bum-hole), people used to shout something along the lines of “God, oh God!”, however, in these enlightened times, religious affirmation just has no place in the bedroom.
I’ve put together a selection of alternatives, which I hope you will find useful:
“The Milkybars are on me!”
“They think it’s all over…” (And then they reply) “It is now!”
“What a prick!”
“Thunderbirds are go!” [I actually prefer this during pre-rutting/foreplay but I am told it is effective post-violation as well]
As you may have noticed, these are all catchy slogans from British television shows. My own research has shown that these are vastly more effective than the usual, and quite frankly, crass curse-words. If you are not familiar with British slogans, I pity you. There is a wonderful invention that any lay person can access online called “YouTube”, I firmly suggest you utilise it.
I do hope you find these useful, and perhaps you could come up with some of your own…?
With fond regards,
The Un-friendly Atheist