Ridiculously warm neck warmer


Bought 5 balls of glittery black yarn from Sophie in London Haberdashery and used just under 1 ball on this with a set of 6mm needles.

Initially I wanted to do it in the round but then saw someone on the tube with a horizontal cable knitted scarf and I really liked the way it sat. The twists are pretty easy to do. I bought a kinky cable needle but you could probably use a big safety pin and just slip the stitches back onto the needle. Ymmv.


Cast on a multiple of 18 plus 3
Row 1: *p3, k6* to end of row (RS)
Row 2: *k3, p6* to end of row (WS)
Row 3: *p3, C6f, p3, k6* p3
Row 4: repeat row 2
Row 5: repeat row 1
Row 6: repeat row 2
Row 7: *p3, k6, p3, C6b* p3
Row 8: repeat row 2
Row 9: start back at row 1 and keep going for 18-22in

Sew up the 2 edges to make a cowl. Weave in your ends. Wear it fiercely.

Crochet pattern: super classy loo roll holder

I am attending a housewarming party later in the week, and though I was asked to get Amazon vouchers as a housewarming gift, I don’t get paid for a few weeks so decided to make something super classy instead for the man who will be able to buy anything at all on the internet when I get paid.



The pattern is really easy, and I’ve seen a knitted pattern elsewhere but wanted to crochet this one so here’s my take on it:

I used acrylic DK in a dark red and a 4mm crochet hook. You will also need a different yarn for the tassel. I used gold thread but black yarn would probably work too. Obviously, though, I needed my loo roll cover to be as CLASSY as possible.

Please note: the ch2’s don’t really count for anything, I just like to put them in there. Some people ch3 and use that in place of a dc. I think this depends on what your tension is like but I find it gives a neater finish if I use a ch2 and 1 extra dc. If this is confusing, just follow the pattern and you will be ok.

Row 1: Begin with a loop and then ch2, 10x dc into the loop. Pull the loose thread to close the hole in the middle and then slip stitch to close (10 stitches in row).


Row 2: Ch 2, 2 dc into each st, slip stitch to close (20 stitches in row).

Row 3: Ch 2, *dc and then 2dc into next stitch* slip stitch to close (30 stitches in row).

Row 4: Ch 2, *dc in next 2 stitches and then 2dc into next stitch* slip stitch to close (40 stitches in row).


Keep increasing each row by 10 in this way until you’ve made a disc wide enough to fit over a loo roll.


Row 7 (or whatever depending on the chunkiness of the wool etc): ch2 *dc rest of row* slip stitch to close. Repeat until it covers the whole loo roll.


Make a tassel to finish and voila!

Crocheted bog roll fez.jpg

Learn to knit: floppy hat I made!


Finished this at the North London Stitch Up on Saturday. The whole thing took about 7 hours.

You will need 2 sets of knitting needles, one 0.5-1mm bigger than the other. The chunkier the wool,  the bigger the needles. Check the label on your wool if you’re not sure. I used circular needles but you can use normal ones and then sew it up when you’re done.

Cast on a multiple of 4 stitches to go around your head. I used 7&8mm needles and 56 stitches.
Knit 2, purl 2 for about 4 inches with the smaller needle then knit another 8-12in with the bigger needle depending on how floppy you want your hat. More inches equals more flop here.
To make the crown, knit 2 together every 7 or 8 stitches and then for each row try to stick to these k2togs. Some people like to use markers but I have the eyes of a hawk.
Use a needle or crochet hook to loop the end in when you can no longer decrease and voila! You made a floppy  hat too.

I invented this pattern but feel free to rip it off and make money out of it if you can be bothered. Good luck, the world needs people like you.